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Poly Bitchings

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Rantynes [Dec. 27th, 2006|11:39 am]
Poly Bitchings


So, as a bit of backstory:

I've been hanging out with a guy lately, but our schedules don't seem to be meshing well, we haven't "gone out" so much as hung out as friends, and my sex drive has been nill, so it's not like we're even casually dating.

When I met him, he was with a girl who was here for the summer, but then she went home and he's had a lot of drama with that whole situation. She was cute, we were both interested, but didn't find that out until later so nothing happened.

She just came back for the holidays, bringing a lot of drama with her. He has bitched to me a couple times about the whole situation. And cute as she is, and as much as I would really love some female action right now, she's a drama source and not as careful with her body as I prefer my partners to be.

So anyway, we were all three at a party at a friends' house. I was cuddled up to him on the couch, she was using him as a footrest, and at one point flipped around so we were both cuddled up to him. He got up for a minute and left the room, and I said to her, "Hey sorry I'm not trying to steal your date, just his warmth." And she replied, "That's ok, I can share," and winked at me. Shortly thereafter, she was cuddled up to ME, and I was doing the "Yay I have a pretty girl on my boobs" dance. They covertly invited me to have a threesome (in that they asked in a joking voice if I'd like to, so it could be passed off as a joke if I said no). And now he's confused because I said no.

WTF? I mean come on! Just because I'm bi and poly doesn't mean I sleep with every person I'm interested in, no matter how long it's been since I slept with a girl. One of the few rules my BF and I have is to avoid drama whenever possible, and I fall for girls easily. So why start a shitstorm when it can be avoided by simply going home and resting my very tired brain and body?

I know I probably shouldn't be so set off by him being confused, but this kind of hit a raw nerve. I've been feeling like everyone's sex toy of late, and a few months ago started kind of backing off, because I feel like people think if I'm friendly or even cuddly that it's a promise to have sex with them. I'm sick of it, and I don't understand why it's so confusing to everyone.

Really, *I* don't even know if I'm going to have sex with someone today or not until it's happening, and I am not afraid to stop at any time, whether we're done or not, if I'm not enjoying myself for whatever reason. I don't see how being fully clothed, not promising a thing, even SAYING how I'm tired and should go home soon, but letting a pretty girl rest her head on my boobs and not touching her sexually in any way is considered a promise of anything.

GRR!!! I didn't want to, what's so confusing about that?

[User Picture]From: left_coast_cat
2006-12-27 09:55 pm (UTC)
it sounds like you were just following you and your BFs rules, therefore what you did seems reasonable. the two were likely frustrated because they were hoping you were interested as much as they were. you were in the right to turn down the threesome, but i would caution that it may cause kinks in your potential relationship with the other guy if you dont talk to him independantly about your reasons for turning down the offer. i dont know the whole situation, obviously, so i dont know how viable that sounds. honesty tends to smooth things out, at least in my experience.
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